To fit in
Drinking can begin as part of belonging. Friends drink, colleagues meet for drinks, families celebrate with alcohol and social occasions revolve around it. Drinking makes them part of the group.
If alcohol becomes tied to belonging, stopping can feel like stepping outside that group. They may worry that friendships will change, social occasions will become uncomfortable or they will no longer feel part of something that has been important to them.
To feel more confident
They may feel shy, awkward or insecure and discover that alcohol changes how they feel about themselves. They talk more easily, worry less about what other people think and feel able to do things they struggle to do when sober.
The insecurity does not necessarily disappear as the years pass. If alcohol became the way they learned to overcome it, stopping means facing that insecurity without the thing that helped them hide it.
To break the ice
Alcohol can make unfamiliar situations feel easier. Meeting new people, going to a party, dating or walking into a room full of strangers can feel less uncomfortable after a drink.
Over time, they may stop believing that they know how to do those things without alcohol. What began as a way to make social situations easier becomes something they expect to need.
Because drinking is part of their world
For some people there is no particular moment when they decide to start drinking. Alcohol is simply there: at home, with friends, after work, at sporting events, at celebrations and at weekends.
When drinking is woven into everyday life, stopping can mean changing routines, relationships and traditions as well as giving up alcohol.
To escape
Alcohol can give temporary distance from stress, loneliness, grief, memories, unhappiness or problems they do not know how to deal with.
Those things are still there when the alcohol is gone. Stopping can mean facing whatever they have been using alcohol to escape from.
To switch off
Alcohol can quieten their thoughts for a while. Worry becomes less intense, problems seem further away and they can stop thinking about everything they have to deal with.
If drinking becomes their usual way of switching off, stopping means finding another way to cope with a mind that does not automatically become quiet because the alcohol has gone.
Because it worked
This can be one of the hardest things for families to understand. Alcohol may once have done exactly what the person wanted it to do.
It made the shy person feel sociable, the insecure person feel confident, the lonely person feel included and the worried person stop worrying for a while.
The consequences of drinking can change enormously over time, while part of them still remembers alcohol as something that once made life easier.