Why do I hide my parent's drinking from other people?
Because you do not want people knowing what happens at home. You don't want friends asking questions, teachers treating you differently or other people judging your parent.
So you make excuses. You don't invite friends home. You avoid talking about what happened at the weekend. You work out what you can say without giving too much away.
Keeping it secret can start to feel normal. It also means you are carrying something difficult on your own.
Is their drinking my fault?
No.
You did not make your parent drink because you argued with them, got into trouble, did badly at school or said something they didn't like. Adults are responsible for what they do with alcohol.
If your parent blames you for their drinking, that does not make it true.
Why am I always watching them?
Because watching gives you clues about what is going to happen next. You notice how they speak, how they walk, what they are drinking and how quickly their mood changes.
You can become very good at knowing when something is wrong before anybody else notices. That does not mean it is your responsibility to control what happens next.
You should not have to spend your time monitoring an adult.
Why do I feel responsible for looking after my parent?
Because sometimes somebody has to do things and you have become that person. You make food, clean up, keep the noise down, check that they are all right or look after younger brothers and sisters.
Being capable does not make those responsibilities yours. You are allowed to need looking after too.
If you are regularly responsible for keeping yourself, your parent or other children safe because of their drinking, tell an adult you trust.
Why am I angry with the parent who doesn't drink?
Because you can see what is happening and wonder why they are not stopping it. You can feel that they should protect you, confront the drinking parent or change what is happening at home.
The parent who doesn't drink can also be struggling with the situation, but that does not make your anger wrong. You are allowed to be angry that the adults around you have not made home feel safe or normal.
You do not have to choose which parent you are allowed to be angry with.
Can I tell someone?
Yes.
You can tell a teacher, another relative, a friend's parent, a doctor, counsellor or another adult you trust. You do not need to know exactly what should happen next before you tell them.
Start with the truth you are ready to say. You can tell someone that your parent drinks and things at home are difficult. You do not have to explain everything at once.
Will I get my parent into trouble if I tell someone?
Telling somebody is not the same as getting your parent into trouble. You are telling the truth about something that is affecting you.
An adult you tell might need to get other people involved if they think you or another child is not safe. That can feel frightening, especially if you have spent a long time keeping everything secret.
You are not responsible for hiding a dangerous situation to protect an adult from the consequences of their drinking.
What if my friends find out?
You do not have to tell every friend everything about your family. You decide what you want to share and with whom.
A good friend does not need a perfect explanation. You can say that things are difficult at home, that your parent has a problem with alcohol or that you don't want to talk about all of it yet.
Your parent's drinking is not something you should be ashamed of.
What should I do when they are drunk?
You do not have to argue with them, take alcohol away or try to make them sober. If you can safely move away from an argument, do that.
If you feel unsafe, go to a safer place if you can and contact an adult you trust. If somebody is unconscious, badly injured, having trouble breathing, threatening serious harm or you believe anyone is in immediate danger, call emergency services.
Keeping an adult safe from the effects of their drinking is not a child's job.
What about my younger brothers or sisters?
Wanting to protect them is understandable. You can stay together, get help from a trusted adult and tell somebody when things at home are not safe.
But you are still their brother or sister. You should not have to become their parent because an adult is drinking.
If you are regularly responsible for younger children because your parent is drunk, somebody outside the situation needs to know.
Does anyone else live like this?
Yes. Other children and young people know what it is like to listen for changes in a parent's voice, avoid bringing friends home, keep secrets and try to work out which version of their parent they are coming home to.
What happens in your family can feel completely private, but you are not the only person living with this.
You can read first and talk when you are ready.