They say they can stop whenever they want
They are stuck in denial saying they can stop when they want. They list days when they didn't and times when they stopped for short periods as proof that they don't need alcohol.
Being able to go without alcohol for a period of time is not the same as being able to change their drinking for good.
They stop for a while and then start again
They stop drinking and for a while everything seems different. Days become weeks and you begin to believe that this time they really have stopped.
Then they have a drink. It may begin with one or two, but before long you are back where you started.
They try to cut down instead of stopping
They decide they will drink less. They set limits, change what they drink or decide that they will only drink on certain days.
Sometimes they keep to those rules for a while. Sometimes the rules gradually change. Cutting down becomes another attempt to control drinking that they are not ready or able to stop.
They only drink at certain times
They don't drink in the morning. They never miss work days and never drink at work. They only drink at weekends or wait until a particular time of day.
Rules about when they drink can make their drinking appear controlled. The more important question is what happens once they start and how much of their life is organised around when they can next drink.
They hide how much they drink
You find bottles they have hidden and realise they have already been drinking before they have a drink in front of you. They deny it and say that is from before.
Hiding alcohol and lying about drinking allow them to avoid questions and confrontation. The denial stage is the toughest to get through because no-one wants to admit they are not in control.
They are afraid to stop
Alcohol may have been part of their life for years. Stopping can mean facing feelings, problems and situations they have been using alcohol to avoid.
They can also be frightened of what will happen if they stop. If someone has become physically dependent on alcohol, suddenly stopping can cause serious withdrawal symptoms including hallucinations, tremors and in rare cases death. Always consult a medical specialist.
They want to stop but cannot
They can mean it when they say they want to stop. The regret, apologies and promises can be genuine, even when they start drinking again.
Wanting to stop and being able to stop are not the same thing. When someone has lost control over their drinking or become dependent on alcohol, determination is seldom enough.