Did our arguments make them drink?
Arguments can become closely tied to drinking. They drink, you argue about the drinking, and they may then say the argument is the reason they are drinking.
An argument does not give them a reason to drink that day, but they may use it as an excuse to have a drink. It becomes a vicious circle but you are not to blame.
Was I too critical or not supportive enough?
Living with someone else's drinking changes how you react. You may become angry, critical, suspicious or exhausted. You may also have spent years supporting them, forgiving them and trying to help.
Being more patient, less critical or more supportive does not change their drinking. However, it may help you to cope better if you are less reactive and stressed.
They say they drink because of me
They may say they drink because you nag them, because you do not understand them, because you make them unhappy or because things at home are difficult. Hearing it often enough can make you believe it.
While you may have problems, those do not justify someone's drinking. They are your problems too, you don't have an alcohol problem.
We used to drink together — did I encourage it?
You may have bought alcohol together, gone to pubs together or shared drinks at home. Looking back, it is easy to wonder whether taking part somehow caused what happened later.
Two people can drink together and develop very different relationships with alcohol. Sharing those drinks does not mean you caused another person's drinking problem.
Should I stop drinking too?
You can decide not to drink, remove alcohol from your home or choose not to drink around them. You may decide that is what you want to do.
Your stopping cannot make them stop. Your decision about your drinking is yours; their decision about their drinking has to be theirs. Nothing you do will make them stop.
Could I have stopped this happening?
Looking back makes it easy to find moments when you think you should have noticed sooner, said something different or acted earlier. Denial and secrecy play a part in this.
You could only act on what you knew at the time. You could not control how another person's relationship with alcohol developed or make their choices about drinking for them.